Can you guess where I got the song for today’s One Minute Rule? Billboard or Pitchfork? Judging by the abundance of thick-rimmed glasses, chuck taylors, and Goodwill shirts, I hope you said Pitchfork. After one of the Pitchfork writers went to McCarren Park and picked out five random people, he then got them loaded on PBR and threw them in a recording studio. The end result was then put on Pitchfork’s Best New Tracks list.
When choosing from the Billboard Top 100 I used to clarify whether or not I had ever heard of the artist or not, but here…of course I’ve never heard of these fools. Passion Pit? It sounds like the punchline to some old guy’s dirty joke. It sounds like a low-budget porno movie from the 50’s. Either way, it’s time to stop taking pictures for your music blog, put your digital camera in your man purse, and get out those lighters! Yeah! C’mon!
I’m taking a sip from my tall glass of Haterade and hitting play…now.
I don’t even know what that instrument that is. A sitar? A banjo? This sounds like it could be the opening credits to Juno or Eagle vs. Shark. Now I’m 20 seconds in and these guys are still playing the same riff. I guess these aren’t the kind of hipsters who do coke. C’mon, let’s pick it up. I got shit to do. What a snooze.
Ah. Ok, I’m awake. What did I miss? Oh, absolutely nothing. At 25 seconds they do a bombastic swell and then proceed to play another boring riff. I guess this is supposed to be the exciting part. It sounds like U2 plus Oasis plus Sigur Ros sped up. It’s like they took the end of a U2 song and put it at the beginning of theirs.
This may be a first for the One Minute Rule. I wonder if we can go the whole minute without hearing vocals on this one. I’m coming up to the 40 second mark and nothing yet. Ah damn. He’s singing.
Way too much kick drum going on here. I hate that sound. It’s like they’re trying to force a big sound out of a regular song. Round peg, square hole, guys. Not gonna happen. There’s no shame in writing a normal-ass song. We don’t need these overblown epics all the time. I’m gonna blame it on a lack of song writing talent.
Verdict: Passion Pit? More like Massive Shit, amirite?
(I know I used that joke before. I couldn’t help myself.)