Well it’s been quite awhile since I’ve done a One Minute Rule post on the blog so I figured I’d dip back in to Billboard and find some more garbage to make fun of. Today’s song is called “Good Girls Go Bad” by a band that took their name from a science fiction themed gay pron movie, Cobra Starship. I’m just gonna get my easy joke out of the way first…did somebody say Cobra Starshit, amirite?
This 3 minutes of dump is currently at the number 10 spot on the Billboard Top 100. Luckily for me, I’ll only be listening to the first minute of it. Hitting play…now.
Well they certainly waste no time, do they? I’m five seconds in and there are some atrocious 90s era Happy Hardcore synths sounds. Looks like somebody just upgraded to the full version of Fruity Loops today. Congratulations. Whoa, hold on here. The vocals come in at about 6 seconds and they damn near ripped off the vocal hook to “Fire Burning” by Sean Kingston. Seriously, take a listen and then come back. I’ll wait.
After the quick intro, which I assume is going to be the main chorus of song…ugh, they then proceed to record every instrument they could find in the studio and put it in the song. Also, let’s not forget about the “record scratch” sound that sounds like it came from one of those little Casio DJ keyboards I used to have as a kid. Either way, I should just try to enjoy the instrumental part as best I can because the verse on this song is gonna be painful.
Fuck. I think they might have got that guy from that group 3OH!3 to do the verse here. Or at least that’s what I’m hoping because if there are two guys on this planet that sound like that you can get me the hell off of it. Who would have thought that when everybody was complaining about rock-rap in the early 2000s that we would have to prepare ourselves for techno-pop-rap in 2009? Ahhhh, and I’m only 25 seconds in. The things I do for this damn blog.
…something something Autotune….
So the guy sings more shit and apparently he has the ability to make otherwise nice women go bad. The verse, pre-chorus, and chorus lyrics all just blur together really.
Singer: “Hey guys! Check this line out I just wrote: ‘Just take a bite and let me shake up your world.’
Rest Of Band: “Yeah sure, whatever. We just gotta hurry up and record something. We’re already way over budget after buying all these ridiculous looking clothes.”
Singer: “And then I’ll go: ‘Just one night couldn’t be so…’ ”
Rest Of Band: “Yeah dude, ok. Just fucking sing whatever.”
Verdict: Just kidding guys. I probably need to give this band more time to grow on me and then I’ll find that they’re actually pretty talented musicians.
Oh, never mind. I have no intention of ever thinking about this band again in my life. What a bunch of dinks.